I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
