Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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