She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
