Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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