I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
