its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
