at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
