So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
