Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
