its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
