Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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