We named our party play list daddy issues
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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