I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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