im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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