A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
