The best revenge is premature balding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
