so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize