One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
