you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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