Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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