I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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