I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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