Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
