Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is it fun? or sober?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
