he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
