remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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