I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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