I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
