That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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