Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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