you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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whose parrot is this?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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