he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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