omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
