I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So apparently I’m into choking now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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