Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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