Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
