there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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