I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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