Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
