He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have so many feelings about this burrito
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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