Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's never too late to be topless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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