I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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