btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
