Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
