At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
