I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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