I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
