it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
