I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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