we have pet lesbian snakes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
