Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
