I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
