I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
