Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
