But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
