So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize