He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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