one two three fourrrrnication!
It's Friday. Sex?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
