So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend