My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.