i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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