right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize