Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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