At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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