life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
