my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
