I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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