you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
