my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize