you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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