just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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