Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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