Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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