Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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