I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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